Thu 26 Apr 2007
Building the Y: Pillars to Manhood (3)
Posted by tom cottar under theology
Mentor.
The Mentor is not only modeled through the pages of the Bible, it is explicitly commanded in the form of ‘teaching them to observe’ (Mt. 28:20) and ‘discipling’. Our God is the Teacher in whose instruction we ‘delight’ (Ps 1:2). The only Perfect Man was the Discipler of all nations, and men who follow Him are to ‘teach others also’.
The heart of the mentor is teaching heart. The mentor knows. And he wants others to know. He models, explains, and trains. He disciples—first, his wife and kids, then others. He exercises ‘transformation’ in others.
A man is ‘supposed’ to know things. How a car runs. How to fix a hairdryer. Why the mower won’t start. The capital of Nepal. How many legs on a spider. How far to the next rest stop. It’s up to him to have a working knowledge of why electricity flows, dogs bark, hamsters die, and girls act weird. Why do family members ask the man of the house these things? Because men are supposed to know how things work. Men are supposed to be able to teach life.
Who's your apprentice?
3 Responses to “ Building the Y: Pillars to Manhood (3) ”
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April 26th, 2007 at 12:04 pm
I think I’ve identified the disconnect I’m having. You’ve defined the problem as people not knowing how to properly live as men and women. I sorta agree, but would drive the problem deeper. We don’t know how to live the life of a true human being. And that’s particularly true within the church today. We make the claim that we are the renewed human race, but we look no different in our lives and problems from those around us. We do not demonstrate that we know anything much about human beings should live, and absent that it’s easy to dismiss anything we say.
If we all worked on learning how renewed human beings should live, what we were created to be, how we fit into the cosmos and the nitty-gritty of daily life, I have a feeling the man/woman thing would naturally begin to work itself out. And I believe that’s what we are called to be.
So I guess I can stop providing my reactions after this one if you prefer.
With that said, do you have any idea how patronizing it sounds to say that men should mentor their wives in how to do life? Let’s get real here. There are many aspects of life my wife knows how do much better than me. And in those areas I try to learn from her. And when she can use my help in some area, she asks. We are helpers and companions, not mentor and apprentice in life.
Further, after stripping out the cultural stereotypes like men knowing how to work on cars, I would expect the kids in a healthy family to ask questions of both of their parents. If they only go to one (and it doesn’t matter which), that’s an indication of a problem.
Next, women are told to mentor in Scripture as well and examples of women mentors are plentiful. So as with the first pillar, I do agree there is an aspect of this one that is certainly part of what it means to be human, especially a human renewed in Jesus the Christ. But I don’t see anything specifically or uniquely male in it.
And finally, we need to be very careful with your last question. We are not to make apprentices of ourselves. We are to make apprentices of Jesus. As Paul and Dallas Willard say, to the extent I look like Christ, look at me! But we are to make apprentices/disciples/followers of Jesus, not ourselves.
No, I don’t believe men and women are essentially the same. We are very different. But at our core, we are all ‘ha-adam’ — ‘the adam’ — created in the image and likeness of God. So some things are very similar. And so far in your list, I’ve seen two things that apply to both and a third that seems to glorify our tendency to violence, something I see (based on scripture from Genesis 4-11 to the end) as a significant part of the problem. And yes, men are certainly more prone to violence than women. But I don’t see that as something praiseworthy.
May 3rd, 2007 at 9:52 am
“With that said, do you have any idea how patronizing it sounds to say that men should mentor their wives in how to do life?”
Paul?…Patronizing?
May 3rd, 2007 at 12:16 pm
No. Not Paul. I was referring to your thoughts.
“He models, explains, and trains. He disciples—first, his wife and kids, then others. He exercises ‘transformation’ in others. … Men are supposed to be able to teach life.”
Men are supposed to be able to teach life, first to his wife. It’s patronizing to imply that a man knows or even should know more about life than his wife.
And, since you provided no reference, I searched for and reviewed all the places where Paul has comments for husbands and wives. (It’s actually not very many passages I discovered.) The only one vaguely relevant to the context of this discussion is the one at the end of 1 Corinthians 14. However, that one is in the context of prescribing orderly worship and, if you’re going to have any hope of reconciling it with things Paul says elsewhere in that same letter, can only be taken to mean that at least some of the women were disturbing the meeting and Paul was telling them to save their questions and ask them later. It’s a pretty huge leap from that to an understanding that a man is supposed to teach his wife life.