I found this video just now at Caught In The Middle, a blog I frequent …even if he is from Oklahoma…
If you haven’t seen this, be warned. Our wounds around here are still hurting from our recent loss of DeNetta Hagerman, a wonderful mother, wife, youth worker, and friend. But in the midst of suffering, God is glorified. Period. Suffering is, IMO, the most beautiful hermeneutic we have—and yet knowing this, it scares me deeply.
Check it out and let’s discuss…
The hard part comes, tho, in deciding just how far I’m willing to go to suffer and, thus, glorify Him.
But I guess you never really know until you are placed in that moment…
God forgive us for the crap we proclaim as ‘good news’…sometimes we get it right, sometimes we get part of it right, and sometimes we don’t have a blessed clue.
I’m just sorry. Last night I was praying to God for…I don’t even know what exactly. This sickening feeling of fear came over me. I was thinking of DaNetta; thinking of Jessica; thinking of my cousin Bryan; thinking of my grandmother; thinking of my grandfather; thinking of those I’ve lost. And then I started thinking of the life I don’t have…yet…hopefully. The things I want to do, the things I want to see, the people I want to be with and enjoy. Thinking of what legacy I would leave. Will there be children? Will there be grandchildren? Will there be someone to weep for losing me? Will there be a blanket of memories that I would be glad to give up for the next more glorious life or will there just be an empty planner? Will there be many years or…? Will all of this that I am awaiting so impatiently for – the semester to be over, going to Pflugerville, being with the ones who have gripped my heart so powerfully, the ministry that I want so much to embrace – is all of this just going to be some lesson for someone to not live in the plans of the future, to live in the moment when they find this and read it over my grave?
I was comforted by Scripture, but I wonder. Was this Holy Scripture that I took special care to seek out something that I sought because I wanted it so badly, or because it was God’s words to me in that moment, for right then? What blasphemy do I indulge in to be able to sleep a little more easily? What about the suffering? What about Jesus? And then there is the whole issue with the fear in the first place. What good does it do me to delay my sleep one minute more by worrying about having a car accident on the way to my wedding? Is it the thing I want more than my God? Yes, God is glorious, but do I really have to suffer to know that? Oh, God, can you show me that kind of joy with tenderness?
How is it that I cry so passionately desperate before You and then need something soft, like a hug, after my catharsis so that I can move on through my world unscathed? Help me to walk around with the dissonance of a purer trust. I heard this character named Tyler say one time, “I don’t want to die without any scars.” Maybe so, but what kind of beating am I on my way to endure? Help me Jesus.
Take my world apart. Broken on my knees.
–Jars of Clay
Thanks, Stef. God loves you and has a difficult plan for your life…but it’s beautiful.
We miss you around here!
[in Tyler we trust]
The last 10 days of August were very, very tough on me.
2 friends and an aunt (the last) passed away.
Reflection is a word that comes to mind.
One of those was a friend for over 20 years died of a heart attack, i don’t know if he was saved (my fault for not making sure).
My Aunt (her brothers say) was saved in her teens (she was 85), who really knows for sure, i don’t (i should have) she did not live the life of a christin but was a good person who was very involved in the local community. She loved her family unconditionally.
One was a friend who i have seen serve in our church in many different capacities, who i know was saved. i do miss her. Her husband now feels like it is his mission to make sure that he spread the word of Jesus to everyone he knows before it’s too late. He knows how quick things can change. I have renewed hope from his attitude.
I no longer want to wonder if i will see my friends and family in heaven. I want to know for sure. I want to make a difference! Do you?
Dusty
WOW!! Even though you warned us, I am completly moved by this video. As tears continue to fall down my face after watching the video twice(not sure why I put myself through that, but I felt God wanted me to watch it twice) I just stand in awe of God and his glory. Am I worthy to be in his presence like DeNetta is now?? The thought of stanindg in front of God and his arms opened wide is more than I can fathom!
Boy, do I miss DeNetta’s smile and beautiful blue eyes!!
I have no doubt that God will continue to bring good and markable things out of this tragedy!!
God you are GREAT and so worthy of our PRAISE!!!
Shelli
I rejoice in the fact that I am no longer the pinball in the machine when it comes to my praise of GODS work in my life.
I no longer worry of the future.
I no longer frustrate myself with daily “needs”
I no longer seek the what if.
I no longer question why.
I no longer hesitate to answer why I have this grin on my face.
I no longer doubt. For I now know that every minute of every day is held in the hands of one mighty GOD!
Scotty R
This is great. Had not seen it. Check out my blog for another new video called “The Gospel in 6 Minutes” that Piper and his boys at Desiring God put up.
Still hoping and planning on getting to YL Escape those days in Oct. Things are in limbo here, the catholics are both right and wrong, there is a purgatory, its just not after death.
…and Hell is not necessarily after death either 
Let me know about Escape. We’ll hook up for sure. Praying for you, bro.
I’ll definitely check out the video!
