Comments on: An Open Letter: Part 2

By: tomcottar

tomcottar — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 16:34:29 +0000

everyone,
thanks for your thoughts in this journey. they are greatly appreciated. May God grant us wisdom as we purse Him.
nic- GREAT list. thanks for sharing.
ken- after 25 years, we should be learning some things from you. your longevity is a testament to your faithfulness!
Philip- thanks for the book recommendation. I'll check it out!
Scott- love to make the exchange over coffee. Ransom: extra hot latte. come alone and no book gets hurt…

By: scott

scott — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 02:40:50 +0000

It's been a hectic work week trying to cram all of December into this week, but I wanted to be certain to pause and offer my condolences on the loss of your friend. Death rips our heart out no matter the circumstance, but it's even worse when it's under conditions like his.
I don't have a 'ministry' per se, at least in the classical sense of the term and I've never been one for balance. So I don't really have any lessons or thoughts along those lines.
But given that this is the day twenty-eight years ago when I first held my wonderful and beautiful oldest daughter, I do have a few thoughts on family. While circumstances, life needs, and poor decisions on my part have at times been hurtful or neglectful toward those I love, there has never been the slightest competition or struggle in my mind about what mattered to me.
I haven't and don't always know how to love well, but it's always been the top item on my list. I lucked into a career that suits my talents and personality. But it's never been my identity. My identity, such as it is, is wrapped around my family. Perhaps I'm learning how to find the true me in Christ, but that is never divorced from my wife and children and grandchild.
In short, I'm not sure that it's a desirable goal to seek balance. I think we should seek love and not love of ourselves, which when you boil it down often seems to be what we are really trying to balance.
Still, in the wise words of American consumerism, "I love you, man!"
And I have this new novel by Anne Rice (Angel Time) you might be interested in reading if you haven't already. It's worth the read and strangely relates to family in difficult circumstances. Perhaps I could ransom Wedding at Cana with it?

By: Philip A

Philip A — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 06:21:12 +0000

Excellent post, Tom. And a good question. Balance can certainly be hard, and it is a question I am struggling with, so I understand the dilemma. A recent lesson from God for me was being reminded that God's glory should permeate every area of my life, not just my passion. When I realize that the goal is His glory, I have seen areas of my life that I have ignored. Our passions come from God, and as you mentioned, they are good, but being focused on the goal of the passion (teaching/fixing/selling) can make us miss the ultimate goal: giving Him glory in everything we do. The passion each of us has is the tool God uses to use us for His glory. A great help that got me thinking hard about how "work" should be viewed, and how our vocation fits into it, is the book Fabric of this World by Lee Hardy.

By: Kenb

Kenb — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 00:42:48 +0000

After 25 years in the same Church, the struggle with balance has reared it's head many times. I think of the word balance in the context of sobriety; especially spiritual sobriety. Jesus knew that we would continually struggle with being drunk with the "passions of self". In fact all of the Old as well as the New Testament is a historical recording of the world straggering as if in a drunken stooper, choosing destructive paths, and fulfilling impulsive desires. The problem of standing and walking the narrow way is not a "time" issue as much as it is a "vision" issue. Your illustration of the tight rope walker is good. Their ability to walk that narrow rope is in the ability to keep their eyes fixed straight out before them. (I believe there are a few scriptures that talk about what our eyes should be fixed on.) The only thing that throws any of us off balance, the only thing that makes any of us drunk with our selves is in the power of the lie. Just like with Adam and Eve, all of creation was thrown out of balance when they chose to believe that something or someone other than God could meet a need in their life. Yea, verily, verily our hearts are deceitful. . . .full of lies and who can trust them?

By: Nic

Nic — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 17:26:20 +0000

Tom,
Thanks for your openness and honesty here. I needed to read this today. I needed to know that someone besides me is struggling with this. I don't want to reach the world and lose my family. And I know that the greatest church I pastor is the one that lives inside my home. But, as you know my friend, it is such a constant struggle. You asked what lessons we've learned and how we pursue balance? Here are a few things I try to do. I'm not always good at them or as faithful as I should be, but it's what I've been trying to do – especially since Hayden's been born:
1. I leave the laptop at the office. I've got a home laptop to mess around on if I want to update my facebook status or check my fantasy football team. But I am doing my best to leave my laptop (which has all my work files) at the office so I'm not tempted to work on stuff when I'm at home with my family.
2. I have started guarding my day off with the tenacity and ferociousness of a pit bull. I heard a guy say, if you don't control your calendar, it will control you. No one else is going to fight for my time with my family. I HAVE TO do that myself.
3. I am doing my best to be PRESENT. That means when I'm at home, I'm present with Johanna and Hayden – not just there physically and thinking about all the work I've gotta get done or the ministry calls I need to make. If I am with my family, I am PRESENT with them.
4. I am refusing to give my family my leftovers. They deserve my best and that's what I'm striving to give them. My best energy. My best time. My best focus.
Just some things I'm trying to do that help me balance…