Missional Living

In case you missed it… 

(HT to stixblog!)

"IF you're going to win the world for Christ, you're going to have to sit in the smoking section." -Neil Cole

Good quote from the guy whom I'm going to get to have lunch with tomorrow. Check out his latest book Organic Church: Growing Faith Where Life Happens. I'll be picking his brain (along with a few other guys) while wondering if he'd autograph my 100th Anniversary Harley Davidson Zippo… 

I found this on my buddy's blog today…now my wife is worried that I don't exist.

You can go to howmanyofme.com and see just how many of you are in the US…sort of. Evidently, you plug in your first and/or last names and it tells you some nifty infomation. For example:

For TOM, it says:  

• There are 175,482 people in the U.S. with the first name Tom.
• Statistically the 340th most popular first name. (tied with 7 other first names)
• More than 99.9 percent of people with the first name Tom are male. (go figure…)

But for COTTAR, it tells me:

• There are 0 people in the U.S. with the last name Cottar.
• This name is not found in our database, this means the name is relatively uncommon.

HowManyOfMe.com

There are: 0 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

Sweet. That means either:

A. I am really part of the witness protection program.

B.  Uncle Sam has me mistaken for someone else who should be paying taxes. 

C. This is all a dream and I don't really exist.

In any case, I'm not really here. 

I read recently that Buddhists believe there are 84,000 paths to enlightenment.

Now they can add one more to that list.

Enter: Buddha Clause.

It's official!

Thanks to Virgin Mobile, the MVNO targeted to Gen-M subscribers has gone multi-culty with a celebration called Chrismahanukwanzakah. TODAY (Dec. 13) is the official holiday, with ringtones, e-cards and other m-commerce offerings to suit any religious persuasion.

As a company statement puts it:

“Since Chrismahanukwanzakah comes during the busiest selling season of the year Virgin Mobile created a gift line (1-888-ELF-POOP) where holiday shoppers can call for advice on what to get even the pickiest Chrismahanukwanzakahan. Is your cousin a Pagan? Married to a Jew? Brother- in-law a Muslim? No problem! Help is one toll free call away. You'll be put directly in touch with one of Virgin Mobile's Chrismahanukwanzakah characters to find out what Pay As You Go wireless phone will make the most appropriate gift.”

It goes on (really): “In addition to the gift line, Americans can catch the Chrismahanukwanzakah spirit by sharing e-cards and special "blended" holiday carols found at www.chrismahanukwanzakah.com. Virgin Mobile advertising spots featuring the madcap collection of Chrismahanukwanzakah characters will begin airing in early November. And back by popular demand is the Chrismahanukwanzakah holiday anthem, "We're All Snowflakes," which can be downloaded as a ringtone at www.virginmobileusa.com.”

Still not convinced? 

Call 1-888-ELF-POOP.

A group from our church ran the Race Against Time 5k yesterday. Although I've never run anything before (not even track in high school), it was fun. I got to run with friends and catch up afterwards with others. That's the good news. 

The bad news is I ran the course in 29:26. (9th in my class; 84th out of 181). I got smoked by Jen-Jen (pictured), the second fastest girl in the world.

Afterwards, I was sucking down some Gatorade with an old buddy who said, "Hey, Cottar, look at it like this way: you blew past a TON of Southern Baptist pastors!"

"That's like being the tallest midget," I said, "that doesn't really count…" 

I know you can use statistics to say just about anything. After all, Mark Twain was quoted on that. But, in the days where Barna and Gallup rule our instant-information society, you gotta chuckle at this…

Yesterday, I ran across this article about how FAT Christians are, particularly Southern Baptists. The culprit? Use of religious media. Holy 700 Club…are you serious?!? In fact, the research indicated "Fundamentalist groups are more prone to an absolutist approach to things such as smoking and alcohol," said Ferraro. "These groups, by and large, don't put much attention on (other) issues relating to physical health."

That women were 14 percent more likely to be obese if they used religious media resources, including television, radio and books, three or more times per week. And among denominations, the study reaffirms Baptists are most likely to be obese, regardless of where they live. I'm not sure if it's an indictment of how much we watch TBN and read Beth Moore books, or if maybe I should call Rick Warren and get him to put out a Purpose-Driven Treadmill…

But, here's the funny part.

This morning I received my copy of SBC Life in the mailbox. In the Mosaic section, I read this article that suggests that watching wrestling may lead to violence. I'm not sure what kind of rocket scientist it took to figure that one out, but I'm guessing he's on to something. In his research, he figured out a "direct correlation between teens who watch wrestling on TV and those who demonstrate violent behaviors."

Not to make light of either of these two serious problems, but God has given me a solution to it all. Really. It's a no brainer.

Step One: Make those in the first study watch massive hours of wrestling and UFC programming. That'll motivate them out of that religious-media induced coma enough to hit that Purpose-Driven Treadmill.

Step Two: Force-feed the wrestling junkies to read Beth Moore, listen to FFH, and watch the Left Behind video series. (The last one alone may be sufficient). Call it spiritual Valium, but I think it'll work. 

Problem solved.

Ever think God gets tired of our whining? Maybe even exasperated? 

I found this today while cleaning out some old files on my home PC. May it inspire you to get up and do something. Anything.

One night, I had a wondrous dream;
One set of footprints there was seen.
The footprints of my precious Lord,
But mine were not along the shore.

But then some stranger prints appeared,
And I asked the Lord, "What have we here?"
"Those prints are large and round and neat,
But, Lord, they are too big for feet."

"My child," He said in somber tones.
"For miles I carried you alone.
I challenged you to walk in faith,
But you refused and made me wait.

You disobeyed, you would not grow,
The walk of-faith you would not know.
So I got tired and fed up,
And there I dropped you on your butt,
Because in life, there comes a time,
When one must fight, and one must climb,
When one must rise and take a stand,
Or leave their butt prints in the sand."

We will be back in the land of electronica late Saturday…but since this is Photo Phriday, I couldn't resist posting this. If a picture is worth a thousand words, you can tell how we feel after a week of unplugged living.