OK….there’s a little secret to surving student ministry that I’ll let you in on. How do we survive the summer full of Beach Break, Camp 7.8, Mission Trips, Middle School Mondays, Road Trip Tuesdays, Overhaulin’ Wednesdays,  Wednesday morning staff Bible studies, Thursday night band practices…and still have some sanity left over for the wife and kids?

Caffeine Jello Shots.

It’s easy and fun for the whole family. So, from me to you, here’s an easy, how-to to get you through the last sprint of summer.

You’ll need the following ingredients:

• Caffeine powder (can be bought as pure powder or made from ground up caffeine pills, but don’t be stupid—see dosages below)
• Jello. I recommend multiple flavors so different colors can represent a certain ‘punch’.  (Cherry is a 50 mg punch, lemon is a 100mg, and lime is a whopping 200mgs of a sour kick-to-the-face goodness…)
• Shot glasses. Of course, I’m Baptist and I don’t have any…so I’ll use  paper bathroom cups… (I guess Christmas is just around the corner…)

Steps To Survival:

1. Decide on the caffeine dosage of your jello shots. Then determine how many caffeine pills you will need. A 6 oz Jello package makes about 30 shots, so figure how much caffeine you’re going to need total, and divide that by the amount of caffeine per pill, which is usually 200mg. (E.g. 30 shots at 50mg each = 1500mg total, divided by 200mg = 7.5 pills needed.)
    
   • 50mg- Mild energy rush. About equal to the caffeine in a can of cola.
   • 100mg- Enough energy for 80′s dance night. Equals about a 2 ounce espresso.
   • 200mg- Same dose as in 2.5 cans of Red Bull.
   • 300mg- Twitching starts. Jello shots begin to taste very bitter.
   • 400mg- Ingesting more than 400 mg of caffeine can be dangerous, with side effects including tremors, agitation, stomach ache, and irregular heartbeat. This means you could be stupid and die…trust me, the 100mg stage is plenty.

2. Grind the caffeine pills with a mortar and pestle if available. Otherwise place the pills on a sheet of paper. Fold the paper in half, and go over it with a rolling pin or some other dense cylindrical object. Use moderate force so that you can crush them.Keep rolling until the powder  is smooth.

3. Pour the ground up caffeine into a large bowl with the Jello powder, and mix thoroughly.
4. Add the boiling water (follow the standard Jello recipe on the box for exact amount of water) and stir thoroughly. Keep stirring until all the caffeine has completely dissolved into the solution.
5.  
6. Finally, pour the solution evenly into 30 small glasses and refrigerate for a few hours until jiggly.

Now if I can just get my local Starbucks to start stocking these babies in the cooler next to their espresso brownies….

Thanks to Virgin Mobile, the MVNO targeted to Gen-M subscribers has gone multi-culty with a celebration called Chrismahanukwanzakah. TODAY (Dec. 13) is the official holiday, with ringtones, e-cards and other m-commerce offerings to suit any religious persuasion.

As a company statement puts it:

“Since Chrismahanukwanzakah comes during the busiest selling season of the year Virgin Mobile created a gift line (1-888-ELF-POOP) where holiday shoppers can call for advice on what to get even the pickiest Chrismahanukwanzakahan. Is your cousin a Pagan? Married to a Jew? Brother- in-law a Muslim? No problem! Help is one toll free call away. You'll be put directly in touch with one of Virgin Mobile's Chrismahanukwanzakah characters to find out what Pay As You Go wireless phone will make the most appropriate gift.”

It goes on (really): “In addition to the gift line, Americans can catch the Chrismahanukwanzakah spirit by sharing e-cards and special "blended" holiday carols found at www.chrismahanukwanzakah.com. Virgin Mobile advertising spots featuring the madcap collection of Chrismahanukwanzakah characters will begin airing in early November. And back by popular demand is the Chrismahanukwanzakah holiday anthem, "We're All Snowflakes," which can be downloaded as a ringtone at www.virginmobileusa.com.”

Still not convinced? 

Call 1-888-ELF-POOP.

Sunday, December 3 marks the birthdays of two influential people in the culture of my life. I'm sending them both birthday cards…

Ozzy Osbourne, rock icon…

and Jim Richards, Executive Director of the Southern Baptists of Texas Convention
 

To bring balance to the Force, view lyrics to Ozzy's Bark At The Moon, and the Baptist Faith and Message .