Missional Living

I hadn’t heard it in a while, but yesterday I caught Dave Matthews’ "Grace Is Gone" again for the 2000th time. As I sang along, I caught myself fighting back tears. Why?

Because I’m a wuss. Because it’s one of my all-time favorite tunes. Because, even though it’s debated whether the song is about the death of his father or the loss of a girlfriend, I still deeply relate to death and loss. Because I resonate with the song’s lyrics  such as this: 

"I could never love again so much as I love you
Where you end where I begin is like a river going through
Take my heart, my eyes cuz I need them no more
If never again they fall upon the one I so adore"

It’s a beautiful lament of loss and love. I can picture him at the end of the bar with a broken heart and a crushed spirit, pleading with the bartender, "Excuse me, please, one more drink…could you make it strong cuz I don’t need to think…"

It’s raw and honest and painful and nearly hopeless… which is why I love it. And it’s why I struggle with a lot of the sanitized worship we (I) sing most of the time.

In my experiences with God’s refining process (and life in general), there are plenty of times when a good lament is in order. The death of friends. The struggle of Kingdom living. The weight of sin on my every step. Yes, God is good. Yes, better days are ahead. Yes, we shall overcome. But many times the ‘now’ is hard and, although our Hope has come, we still live in the ‘now’.

So where are our songs of lament? Where are our worship tunes that dig deep into the emotion of struggle and pain and hurt that lead us to our Emmanuel Who brings us Hope? Where are our blues? Sometimes, in my personal worship, my heart is not ready for How Great Is Our God (although He is…), and I fear that by always beating that particular drum, we are missing out on another equally great proclamation: that God is great even in suffering. That He understands our feelings of near hopelessness and helplessness. Our crushed expectations and dreams. That, somehow, when we pour out our raw, unfiltered pain at His feet… he heals us in the midst of it all. He doesn’t take us out of it…but walks with us through it. 

And therein lies the beauty.

Is it acceptable to have worship songs of lament? If so, where are they? Why do they not exist? Are we so ‘in the bubble’ that we’ve become anesthetized to real life hurts and struggles and simply continue holding hands and singing our Pie-in-the-Sky songs, hoping that if we sing them enough…we’ll eventually believe them?

Don’t know the song? Watch the video.

I hate much of ‘Christian music’. Chances are that if it’s in heavy (or semi-heavy) rotation on your radio or in your local Lifeway store in the ‘Staff Favorites’ section, I have a hard time stomaching it. But that’s me, and I know that somehow the Spirit uses the sugary shallowness of it all to give hope to the masses to carry on. Or, at least, keep CCM in business.

But I have to take this into consideration:

“Trying to describe the Eternal using earthly words is like trying to scoop up the whole ocean into the palm of your hand. It’s like trying to count every star in the endless midnight sky.  All of our words fall so short; every melody failing to capture the true beauty of the Heavenly.”

-Vicky Beeching, a fourth generation worship leader, music prodigy and Oxford -educated songwriter.

Those of us who fancy ourselves creative sometimes feel her conflict. How do you describe the Unfailing within the vehicle of much-failing words? Granted, as much as I moan about the Christian music scene, I have to admit that it’s a huge task to put into words the works of the Spirit.

Maybe I should lighten up.

The first-ever tomcottar(dot)org online contest was a great success! Great creativity! After much consideration in a difficult situation I realized a few things.

1. I should have been more congnizant of Buffy (Spike Is My Personal Example) and Fight Club (Soap Inspires Mindless Pummeling of Enemies). Dang.

2. Personal emails sent to me asking "Is this right?….." followed by a ton of guesses, don’t count as official contest entries.

3. It’s gonna cost me a hefty sum to send this stuff to our winner.

4. Living is easier after rendering fat.

So…are you ready? Waiting with baited breath? Can you feel the anticipation? The winner is……..a great guy. He got closer than anyone and missed it by a hair. For that reason, I need to tell you that S.I.M.P.E. stands for Spiritual, Intellectual, Mental, Physical and Emotional. Congratulations, Jimmie! Your box of goodies will be packed up and mailed to you on Monday! 

UPDATE: Here is an updated pic of my process, though not yet complete, with sticky notes and reminders of goals and priorities for a fat-free life. Some of the stickys are scribbled with things such as the following:

• date night
• 1-on-1 time with the boys
• finish your book
• books to read
• leaders to mentor/develop (By Design and Student Ministry)
• get the ‘I’ out of worship (this one applies to SIMPE, BY DESIGN, and STUDENT MINISTRY…)
• Houston or Austin Marathon
• be faithful to accountability partners
• schedule a Sabbath
• UPALO (Unplug and Log Off)

Worship is where I’m at today, kiddies. Although volumes have been written about it, I have yet to find a better description than the words of Louie Giglio: "Worship is turning our hearts affection and our minds attention to God". Worship is proclaiming the worth-ship of God. And, of course, that doesn’t just happen when you sing songs. It happens when you teach. It happens in your conversations at Starbucks. It happens when you mow your neighbor’s yard. When you hold the door for someone. When you’re kind to the guy with the cardboard sign at the intersection.

For those of us in leadership/ministry positions, we sometimes spend so much time trying to ‘feed’ others that our own hunger sneaks up on us and we don’t realize how loudly our stomach is growling until the crowd is gone. But, alas, the words of Paul Baloche ring true…(thus our quote of the day):

"It’s important to realize that when we are leading worship, we are more like a waiter.

It’s not our turn to sit down and eat our dinner."

Granted, many times happen when I’m tending to the needs of the guests at my table and God invites me to have a taste of what’s being served. But for a great deal of the time, that’s just what I get….a taste. So when guys like David Crowder come to La Zona Rosa , I’m going to be there (join me?). And I’m bringing my appetite. Because I will die if I don’t eat.

And if I sit around and wait for Crowder (or someone else) to come and feed me…I’ll probably die anyway.

So why the quote? To remind myself that ‘taste and see’ must always come before ‘feed my sheep’. I can only lead out of the abundance of what’s been given to me.

*extra: Read a little more from Paul about Avoiding a Circus in Worship.