I can't sleep. As I write this, it's close to midnite before we leave for our New Year's Retreat. I know I've got to get up early. I've got to workout, load my truck, grab some Starbucks, run to Sam's and get to the church before 10am. If I crash now, I'll get a good 5-6 hours of sleep. 🙂
Our theme? [Hard]CORE.
I'm here all alone thinking and praying about our retreat, knowing that we are standing on the edge of yet another could-be-life-changing event. But I sense things to be different tonite. Now, I'm not saying I'm some kind of prophet and that God will envelop us in a cloud of His presence tomorrow night. If He decides to do so…rock on. If not, I'm okay with that, too.
What I'm saying is that I'm expecting Him to change ME this weekend. I'm asking Him to. Begging Him to. Pleading with Him to give me the chutzpah to get up off my spiritual comforts and follow Him more closely. More dangerously. To renew my desire for the furious love of God. I'm praying to be seized by the power of a great affection.
What I see around me is lukewarm comfort. I'm living in Laodicea. What's worse, is I'm afraid I'm becoming a Laodicean. We're following God from a safe distance. As Crowder says, we're stading on the edge of something large…while worshipping a very small god. We've become settled into our church culture where we know all the songs and everybody knows our name. Where the pews are soft. Where I get to drive up to the window and supersize my Jesus Happy Meal, toss a few bucks into the plate, and smugly drive away. And it's not MY church…it's THE church.
Listening to Ross King, I'm thinking we need to 'clear the stage'. I can't speak for anyone else, but I'm ready for renewal. I'm ready to spend a few days with some of my best friends. Together, we are honest and sincere. Broken, loving, and passionate. Screwed up, grumpy, and fallen.
And we are the beloved of the Creator of the Universe.
Maybe this weekend He will break up our 'fallow ground'. Maybe we'll recognize that only He satisifes. Maybe we'll remember that only He heals. Maybe we'll remember that only He spins the earth and holds the sun in place. Maybe we'll be reminded of all that He is…
Or maybe at least I will. I'm starting to be reminded now.